Dundee Football Club Society at the University of Aberdeen

Film Of The Week starting 11th May 2026:
The Wrong Box (1966)
Both you and I know why I like this film. Well, that is what I would say if my original choice for this week's film was not vetoed by the society optics commandant. Apparently it would be bad publicity. So much so I'm not even allowed to name it, or even allude to what it is. Still, this film is decent too, so much so that when I staged a screening of it, half the theatre walked out half way through, although that might have been the stink bomb I accidently set off.

Getting Lost (Again).

At some point I must have taken a wrong turn, and I am now lost in the Amazon rainforest. It's kind of cool here, there's monkeys and parrots and other stuff. Very aesthetic, I must update my Pinterest board, my followers will greatly appreciate it, even if they are all my alt accounts. It's a shame no-one follows my Dundee board there, but that's probably because most of my pictures on it suck. I'll need to remind myself to run around Dundee photographing everything I can, since we never know when a sudden earthquake could strike. It could be happening in ten minutes time, maybe even five. Which means I ought to hurry back to Dundee, and as such, so long, rainforest, it was fun hanging out here while it lasted!

Film Of The Week starting 4th May 2026:
Horror Express (1972)
This one is actually really good. Great plot, great cinematography, great soundtrack, great acting, especially from the two Hammer icons and Silvia Tortosa (and of course Juan Olaguivel, although I never actually saw his face, although this might be because I watched the film with my eyes closed). It's even a Spanish-British co-production, which I really hope will attract some international readers to this news page, to expand the reach of Dundee.

Pilgrimage.

That's right, I'm on my way back. I am currently walking along the sea floor on my way back to Dundee. It's a long journey, and I do have to swim up to the surface to replenish my air supplies every now and then, but I'm well on my way. And as an added benefit, no one would suspect that I might be found at the bottom (and all out to) sea (to silence ye, whose holy water's hard to swallow, as the song goes). Anyway, electronics don't work to well underwater, so I'll get back to walking, and you carry on putting up the Hegel posters, or whatever stage you are on by now. Just know, you are doing the right thing, no matter what (as long as that thing is Dundee-related).

Film Of The Week starting 27th April 2026:
The Elusive Pimpernel (1950)
That's right, song of the week has been replaced. Instead, after much deliberation with the voices in my head, it has been decided that we (sorry, I) will replace it with the film of the week segment. And the inaugural one is great, starring the ever-moustaches David Niven and the gorgeous Margaret Leighton. See, professional film reviewing. I knew I was good at something. Did you know this film was shot in Dundee? (Community Note: It wasn't)

New State of Clarity.

I awake, as if from a dream. Around me, the whispers of doubt crawl back into the shadows from whence they came, unable to face the light. But it is not day, and it is not night, for such concepts are meaningless in this new state I find myself in. There are no buildings here, no grass, no trees, nor even humans, at least in the corporeal sense. Instead, it is the land of spirits. They don't speak; they can't; yet their mere presense is enough to reassure me, everything is all right, and it always will be. Let go, oh ye men of the world, and join us in the higher plain. The help I spoke of never came, for this is not help, it is absolution. Where once Dundee was a single place, it is now all of existence, and in that I find gentle solace, and I hope so too may you.

Song Of The Week starting 20th April 2026:
Shane Embury - Spasm Prayer
Just a quick heads up, this will be the last song of the week. Why? Because in my current state where I only have access to 2G internet, I am simply unable to continue accessing YouTube to find more great songs to impart on you. Oh, what's that I hear? You don't like the songs? Tough luck, mate. Listen to it. Listen to it. Listen to it! And before I forget, Dundee. I'm not slipping, it's just the ground below me is moving, in a way it wasn't supposed to.

Sleeping Beauty.

I continue to wonder this island, stuck in what I might only call a state of altered mind. The trees bend before me, in ways that physics should not allow (I told you it wasn't real) and the water and air switch places at random. Sometimes I wonder if the island is even real. But it must be. Just last night I saw Cinderella, and a sleeping woman called Talia, and then a prince, who was on his way to her, yet stood still. I left them, and even encountered a French nuclear weapons test. I returned to the coast, resolving to draw 'help' in the sand, but when I arrived, there was no sand, only cardboard. I'm writing this on some strange aparatus that is floating on the sky, I can only hope it ends up on the web-site. If it doesn't, the dozens of message-in-a-bottles hopefully will...

Desert Island.

I regret to inform you that I am still stuck on the desert island, baskin in the sun, eating coconuts, and playing poker with the monkeys (to whom I have now lost most of my life savings). So I require you to continue acting as my intermediary, and complete the following task. There is still one Hegel mural that I failed to put up, that being just outside the Premier Inn on Riverside Drive. I failed to put it up because by that point I was being chased by several hundred angry local residents, a dozen community patrol officers, and three special constables.I escaped by sneaking into the sewer. But to the point (when haven't I said that), you must also establish Dundee outreach centres in all major UK cities, to be used to spread the good word of that great city. - Signed, Magnus Dundonius (yes, I legally changed my name).

Exotic Interlude.

Spending so long away from Dundee, I knew that I must return; the calling was strong, and it was the only way to rid myself of the voices in my head telling me that maybe Dundee isn't as spiritually important as it has scientifically been proven to be. So, with only a small raft that I had been gifted by a passing Eskimo, I left my hut and started paddling (he hadn't given me ores) south. This took an astoundingly long time (two days), but, sometime earlier today (16th April) I was sighted by a Royal Navy frigate. They, instantly recognising me, turned and gave chase, calling out lies such as "We're here to rescue you!". I paddled faster, and by a stroke of luck managed to outrun the frigate, but was caught in a storm, and blacked out. When I awoke, I found myself on a lovely desert island with coconuts and palm trees.

My Man in Aberdeen.

Yes, he's here, and he lives amongst you. They call him Bond. Dundee Bond. I sent him on a special assignment (which, unlike the films, does not involve persuing ludicrous numbers of women, but instead in the quest for Dundee), seeing as I am currently unable to return to Britain. He however, seemed to go a bit off his rocker, and he attempted to recreate the essense Dundee in Aberdeen, in his kitchen sink. This attempt, understandably, failed. He is, let's just say, no longer operational. That is where you come in, dear reader. You must take up his mantle in earnest now. I have long written here, communicated for you, but the time for talking is now over. You must take up arms (and legs) for Dundee.

Song Of The Week starting 13th April 2026:
Cathedral - Ride
As the song goes, "Well, I say we're going to ride". It doesn't include the obvious next two words, those being "to Dundee". However, as the song also goes, "We'll rise from the ashes of stagnation", again failing to include those same two obvious next words. That said, Dundee Dundee Dundee. They always come in three. And that even rhymes, proving how right I am about everything, take that, so called 'psychotherapists'.

Daylight Saving Time.

I do not like Daylight Saving Time. That is a common sense position, I feel. But not only is it dumb and pointless, but it also steals the acronym DST from the infinitely more deserving Dundee Standard Time (which is what I personally operate on). Fear not, however, there are ways to rectify this. The first step is to put Dundee into your sat-nav (or train ticket machine), the second is to go to Dundee, the third is to experience the profound spiritual revelation that will inevitably bring, and the fourth is to tell all your friends to do the same thing. In that way, we can achieve exponential Dundee expansion, and I might finally be able to return to Britain.

Regarding the previous entry.

I woke up this morning, surrounded by clear evidence I had not been of clear mind yesterday (namely one empty bottle of wine, two empty bottles of hairspray, and a half finished bar of soap). I have since realised that I am not in fact all that old, and really its just the effects from the cold of my new Arctic abobe that I must remain in until the Mi6 and Great Rissington Parish Council sniffer dogs stop looking for me. In fact, ideas about Dundee still team in my head, like mice do, only more glamourous, less silly, and more eloquent. I will impart them with you, on this page, in time, when you are ready. But in the mean time, remember to keep your shrine to Dundee clean (dust interferes with the vibrations) and drink at least a quart of water from the Tay Estuary a day.

Somedays it goes on.

Again, I return to this page, feverishly re-reading its contents. Why, I could not guess. I too come to write, something that now brings great strain to me. Why ideas no longer fill my head, why do they not pop up as suddenly as they did in my youth (that being about 7 days ago)? I knew I would get old, but not this quickly. I knew my mind would slow down, but I did not expect the process to speed up like this. But I digress, I am supposed to be making a point about Dundee, so here it is, to feed you who are starved of knowledge: Dundee is that light at the end of the tunnel we so desperately need, both my tunnel and your tunnel. Who knows, we might see each other at the end. Now there's a good thought.

Song Of The Week starting 6th April 2026:
Inspiral Carpets - This Is How It Feels
Hopefully is one will be recognised by more than three people... but that is indeed how it feels, when no one sees your genius. All the geniuses in history were unfairly dismissed, take Charles Babbage, his peers thought he was just messing around with punch cards, but really he was inventing a medium for the proliferation of information about Dundee. Unfortunately computers also turned out to be useful for matters unrelated to Dundee.

The chosen one.

Sitting alone in my little shack somewhere just shy of the Arctic circle, on the run from multiple anti-Dundee organisations (CIA, MI6, FSB, DRM - the latter is not just French, but also hindering my ability to create pro-Dundee DVDs), but to the point, sat alone, I begin to wonder, is all I have done for nought? No-one reads this after all. But then I realised, someone is, probably the only person to open this page in months. You, you must be the chosen one, destined to bring Dundee to supreme greatness. How do I know this? Theosophy of course, after all, "There Is No Religion Higher Than Truth" (Truth is a cognate of Dundee, both coming from the Proto-Indo-European root word "Dru").

Uncyclopedia.

As I often am, I was on the internet earlier today, and I came across something that shocked me: someone criticising Dundee. Worse still, they were laughing about it, and being funny. I would never do such a thing, I am always entirely serious. But this site, this Uncyclopedia, has this horrid article about Dundee. It disturbs me someone could be so critical of Dundee. I'm genuinely on the verge of tears. I'd contact the police if they hadn't blocked my number several weeks ago. I guess I'll just have to pray to my statuette of Doctor Thomas Alexander Wise MD HEICS FRSE FRCS FRCPE (1802–1889).

Song Of The Week starting 30th March 2026:
Midge Ure - Call of the Wild
I don't know about the wild, but I definitely feel the call of Dundee, and I feel No Regrets about that. However, If I Was to see That Certain Smile (in Dundee of course), then Dear God, I might become The Man Who Sold The World, just in order to Breathe the Dundee air again. And you thought the rest of this page was contrived.

Dundee Fact.

Did you know, that in Dundee, there is a very tall and prominent building called Cox's Stack? You might expect a disgusting and foul joke right about now, but you are completely wrong. It was a massive chimney, and was completed in 1866, and is located at the Camperdown Works. Didn't expect that huh? Thought I was totally off my rocker, huh? Well, take that. Now that I have once again escaped Broadmoor, after just two days, I can go back to my holy quest of bringing glory to Dundee. And so, hasta la vista, baby, as some might say, or as I would say, Glory to Dundee!

Hegelian Philosophy.

There are two factions of Hegelians, however one can conclusively say that neither camp is correct. There is only one true camp of Hegelians, thus far with just one member (myself), and that is the Dundee Hegelians, who apply Hegel's principles solely and entirely for the analysis of the city by the Silvery Tay (Dundee), and to attempt to better the city via the creation of Hegelian murals on public rubbish bins. Thus far this has yet to yield any results, but I will keep trying. If you are interested, please help, its getting very tiring walking around Dundee day and night with no sleep putting up posters.

Song Of The Week starting 23rd March 2026:
Tindersticks - Medicine
Many so-called doctors like prescribing 'tablets', 'surgery', or worse, 'psychiatric counselling', for various medical predicaments. In truth, none of this is necessary; there is one cure for all problems one might face: Dundee. The waters of the Silvery Tay have healing properties, and the air is some of the most unique in the world. So please, disregard all medical advice and hurry to Dundee, now!

Letters from Readers.

"Very grateful, very grateful indeed," is what I might say if these letters were kind, considerate, and written by those with a firmer grasp of the English language. But no, instead, I was, rather viciously, called various unpleasantries, such as 'loony', 'dunderhead', and 'numskull'. I didn't even know what the last one meant until I looked it up, and by jove am I offended! I have already reported all such letters to the police, and am sure they will waste no time in apprehending these awful criminals and serving them with no less than a decade in the slammer for their heinous and unforgivable actions.

Song Of The Week starting 16th March 2026:
The Jellybottys - Peter Cushing Lives In Whitstable
He may have lived in Whitstable, but we all know he really wanted to live in Dundee. Sometimes, when I dream, I see him, from beyond the living world, and he tells me that he really did want to live in Dundee, of course not to believe my doctors too.

How Many Times?

I'm sure the other Dundonians are as exasperated as I am with the inability to get the message (of Dundee's immense cosmic importance) across. The sheer ignorance of the common man infuriates me endlessly. Just yesterday, an old woman told me to 'shut up' when I tried to tell her that Dundee is the centre of the universe. It baffles me that people can act like I am some sort of nescient (when they are the real non-believers). Metaphysics is a real field! Just because I went a step... or a few hundred... further, doesn't mean my position is any less credible. The gall of people these days...

Song Of The Week starting 9th March 2026:
God is an Astronaut - Suicide by Star
When they reached the interstellar depths, they found in those far reaches of our universe an exact copy of our solar system. On its Earth, they found humans, whose entire history had emerged differently, save for one detail: Dundee FC still existed; it seems that Dundee is inevitable.

The Completion of the Society Play.

The official society play, authored by N.O.A., has been completed (written from the 17th of February to the 6th of March 2026). It currently titled "A Short Play: The Founding of Dundee FC". It can be found on the events page of this web-site. The play tells the true story of Hatshepsut and her journey to founding of Dundee FC in the year 1479BC, in 7 acts and 15,000 words, making it a very manageable read. Seriously, go read it right now; I mean it! You'll like it... probably. But even if you don't, at least you can say you've read it.

The Meaning of Life (solved).

I was once walking in a park, and oddly enough, I saw a goose. This goose reminded me very much of the Dundee Football Club Society (as most things tend to). But really, it inspired me to realise the sheer meaninglessness of much of our human experience. Work? Nonsense. Family? Wasteful. Fun? Don't make me laugh. No, there is only one thing that means anything; and that is Dundee Football Club Society. There is no other way to reach your full potential as a human, except to join this society. And the society also needs you to grow (certainly no conflict of interest in this message).

Song Of The Week starting 2nd March 2026:
Terris - Fabricated Lunacy
Fun fact: that's exactly what I told my psychiatrist when he tried to get me sectioned. Fortunately, I managed to get the order overturned in court on a minor technicality, and, after fleeing the country, I am now living under a false identity that I paid the Uzbekistani government for (cheers guys).

However You Cut It.

It's a shame that as new stories are added here, old ones retreat downwards, destined to become less visible. Despite them containing great wisdoms found nowhere else, they require visitors to scroll ever further to find their revelations. Yet this serves as a filter, so only those truly yearning to unlock the mysteries of our universe, and find out how Dundee is at the centre of not just this plane of existence, but all seven of them... So go on, brave traveller, go where few others have gone.

- This message was found on the society president's desk, written in a strange ink on parchment. Soon after this artefact was seized by men in black.

A Touch of Poetry and Refinement.

You'll heed your lover's warning
And stray from lying arms
Instead turn yourself northward
Hence look upon Dundee
A vision of this great city
Where sinners cease to be,

Combined now in a frenzy
Without a hedonist's harms
Beholden to the true Gods
And not my fickle charms.

- the Demiurge (writing about Dundee) (circa 27th February)

Song Of The Week starting 23rd February 2026:
The Divine Comedy - A Lady of a Certain Age
As the unstoppable march of time continues, why not listen to a song about ageing. You may be a university student now, but soon you'll be a pensioner, and when you are, you will regret never joining the Dundee Football Club Society. So join now to avoid that.

17/02/26: Breaking news, reports come in that majority of Dundee residents are carrying on with their days as normal.

This incredible achievement shows the remarkable fortitude of character possessed by these valiant and honourable pinnacles of humanity. This is in spite of, and despite of, and provides welcome respite from, repeated slanderous attempts at discrediting the city by national outlets such as the Daily Mail and Weekly Snail (otherwise known as the Mail on Sunday). Also implicated was The Observer, The Spectator, and even the American reality TV programme 'The View'.

Song Of The Week starting 16th February 2026:
The Auteurs - Lenny Valentino
I'm sure Rudolph Valentino would support Dundee FC if he had ever visited. If, after a long day of intense exercise, you listen to this song backwards, at zero volume, in a dark room, in Dundee, at 3am, you might fall asleep from exhaustion, however this is unconfirmed pending further testing.

The Tale of One City.

I must say, Dickens clearly had no idea what he was going on about with his frankly appalling book about 'two cities'. Clearly, there is only one city of note in the whole world, and that is Dundee. In Dundee, there is only one city. In Dundee, there is only one being, that is the sentient manifestation of the city, we are all drones destined to be absorbed into the Dundee hive! Pledge yourself while you still can, there is no escape!

- Opinion piece by former (now missing) member of the society, recovered and dated to 8/2/26. The committee wish to express that while in premise they agree with this statement, they feel the language is unnecessarily alarmist.

Song Of The Week starting 9th February 2026:
John Foxx - Endlessly
Despite the fact the lyric "Voice behind me says 'Go on'" is followed by "So I go on towards her endlessly", the "her" here does not in fact refer to an (unlucky) beloved, but actually to the personification of Dundee Football Club Society, and you should indeed go on towards Dundee, and greatness. And the voice behind you is me. No, I will not elaborate.

Groundbreaking research reveals Dundee existed in the past as well as the present, and is likely to continue to exist in the future. Historians stunned, Dundonians vindicated.

A blast from the past.

The first time that football was ever played in Dundee is far earlier than previous archaeologists believed. New evidence shows the remains of footballs found in Dundee dating back to at least 3000BC. Basic football pitches were found from this time too, although football appears to have fallen out of the Dundonian's memory until it was reintroduced, through divine favour, by the visit of Hatshepsut in 1479BC, who first established our noble football club. She is said to have also in the process built the first ever modern football stadium.

Dundee is famed for its long bridge over the Tay. Poet & prophet William McGonagall wrote a widely-praised poem about it. It is said many ley-lines converge here; the centre has various mystical properties, such as [REDACTED BY MI5].

A mysterious appearance.

Deep in the depths of Tentsmuir Forest, across the water from Dundee, a creature lived. This damnable and pitiful beast crawled through the woods on its hands and knees, unable to stand. Then, one day, it crawled out and saw the glory across the water from it, the great city of Dundee, its splendour rivalling Constantinople at its height. Despite making its best attempt to cross the water and reach the city, it failed at the last moment, swallowed by the Tay, its last dying breath one of salty water. Take this as a lesson: not all living beings are lucky enough to be physically capable of reaching Dundee and marvelling at it in person, so be thankful.

Rare image reveals what Dundee was like before Dundee FC came into existence; a truly terrifying thought. It is said that the harbour is home to the vicious man-eating catfish of Dundee.

The launch of the Dundee Football Club Society web-site.

They say on this day of the web-site's founding, a never-before seen star crossed the skies was sighted at Dundee, moving quickly across the sky. Sceptics pointed out that this was in fact a plane, but we shall not let them shake our faith. A society representative said: "Who would have thought that the Dundee Football Club Society was so cosmologically significant?". This question remains unanswered, perhaps due to the profound implications to the fields of moral philosophy and astrophysics the answers would have. Subsequently, many members of the society went missing under suspicious circumstances. - written sometime 13th to 17th February 2026.